We have this new lineup on the Vaughn Life Coaching Blog, so I thought I'd share my thoughts on how one might get the most out of it. My vision for this blog is that it will become a form of life coaching for former clients, future clients, or anyone who wants some guidance/entertainment, but doesn't want to jump right in to one on one coaching. Here are some guidelines for each day of the week that will help make this vision possible.
Motivation Monday - This day is for getting pumped up and excited for the week. You can read the thought, story, or tidbit I've posted and think about your goals for the coming week and how you might build and maintain your enthusiasm. Alternately, you can watch an episode from the first season of Seinfeld.
Q&A Tuesday - This is the day I answer your questions! Feel free to read and learn from other people's questions and experiences, or you can submit your own question. This prevents me from only focusing on the same topics over and over again, allowing me to focus more on your needs. No matter what question I answer that week, try to find something that applies to your goals. Alternately, you can watch an episode from the second season of Seinfeld.
Wild Card Wednesday - Wednesday is for things that may not fit in the other days. Things like videos, art, stories, poetry, reviews, special announcements, or rants. Evaluate the progress you've made on your goals and see if the wild card post gives you any ideas on improving your goals or setting new ones. Alternately, you can watch an episode from the third season of Seinfeld.
Sticky Note Thursday - You've worked hard, so take a break today and enjoy whatever nonsense I've written or drawn on a sticky note. I cannot guarantee it will be funny, but laughing is good for you, so you should do it regardless. Alternately, (and perhaps preferably) you can watch an episode from the fourth season of Seinfeld.
Fix it Friday - The new home of the Ten Minute Fix. Doing good things doesn't have to take as long as we think. That's why we post ideas of activities and projects that only take ten minutes. You can always spend more time if you have it, but spending just ten minutes will be enough to make a significant difference. So, read the ten minute fix and give it a try today, this weekend, or next week. If you feel the ten minute fix doesn't apply to you, check out the archives or redo one you particularly enjoyed in the past. Alternately, you can watch an episode from the fifth season of Seinfeld.
The Weekend - No new posts, so you can check out the archives, evaluate your progress, work on your goals, and plan for the coming week. Oh, and you should have some fun! It's the WEEKEND for crying out loud!
With your help I would also love for this to become a community where people can share ideas and grow together. It all starts with participation. Leave comments, "like" Vaughn Life Coaching on Facebook, submit your questions, and email your stories and experiences to kyle@vaughnlifecoaching.com
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The Best Way to Organize Your Time
It's Q&A Tuesday, where I answer your questions about self/marriage/career/life/whatever-improvement. If you have a question, be sure to submit it! On to this week's question."What's the best way to organize my time?"
The answer to this question is the same as the answer to "What is the best diet?"...The one that you'll actually do. The most important aspect of time organization is that you do it. As long as you're thinking about your time and how you should use it, you can't go wrong.
Now if you're detail oriented you can develop a system where you plan out your day to the minute based on your goals and priorities, and then do a nightly evaluation and planning meeting. You could have everything you need to do sorted by due date and importance. You could have charts, lists, and reminders with you at all times. You could also have weekly, monthly, quarterly, and yearly planning meetings for short term, mid range, and long term goals.
If that sounds like WAY too much work and you'd rather not spend all your time planning how to use your time, maybe a simpler system would be right for you. If you know there's a couple hours every day when you watch TV just because there's nothing else to do, you could make a simple plan for those two hours. At the beginning of the week jot down a few things you need to do or would like to do. Then work on that list during those two hours. BAM! In only a few minutes you have a plan to use your time more wisely.
Unfortunately, most of us have a problem with not enough time, and not what to do with our extra time. This is where prioritization becomes really important. I like the system described by Stephen Covey with his Urgent/Important Matrix (example below).
It divides up things we do into Important and Urgent, Important but not Urgent, Urgent but not Important, and neither Urgent nor Important. The boxes are labeled based on priority. To be productive we should spend most of our time in box 2. Occasionally something urgent will come up, but since we take care of things before they become urgent, only unexpected things should be in this box. If you spend all your time in box 1 you're constantly putting out fires due to poor planning. If you live in box 4 you're someone who tends to look for any reason to not be working. I know in college I spent a lot of time in box 4. To avoid homework, I'd get on Facebook, get something to eat, or just stare out the window. If you live in box 3 you are in a hectic environment and need to delegate responsibility or set clear boundaries so you can get some work done.
If you look online you can find a lot of resources on time management. You could also pick up Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-free Productivity by David Allen from your local library. Try out some systems and then when you find one that works for you, stick with it. Consistency is the key.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Finding and Strengthening your Passion
For this Motivation Monday, let's find our passion. People in general are passionate about the strangest things. With all the talk of hurricanes this past weekend, I would see hurricane experts give their opinions and analysis on the news. These guys live and breathe hurricanes. They obsess over patterns within a storm, historical trends, and guessing when they will form, where they will hit, and how much damage they will do. I'm sure glad they have this passion for hurricanes and weather in general because people like them give us advanced warning so we can get away from danger in time.
So, what's your passion? What is that activity or topic that gets you all excited just thinking about it? That thing that turns you into "that guy who just won't shut up" when it comes up at a party? That thing that you could spend all day working on, so you have to set alarms to remember to eat and sleep?
If you can't think of it right away, give it some time. You may need to start with what you like, study it, learn more about it, and tell people about it. The key to really turning something you like into a passion is the ability to share it with others, and more specifically, help others with it. If you're a car guy, don't just read about cars. Help people work on their cars or teach them about cars. Then your enjoyment of all things automobile will turn into a passion that blesses your life along with the lives of others.
To emphasize the importance of passion in a productive life, here are some of my favorite quotes on the topic. Know of any more quotes you like? Please share them in the comments!
So, what's your passion? What is that activity or topic that gets you all excited just thinking about it? That thing that turns you into "that guy who just won't shut up" when it comes up at a party? That thing that you could spend all day working on, so you have to set alarms to remember to eat and sleep?
If you can't think of it right away, give it some time. You may need to start with what you like, study it, learn more about it, and tell people about it. The key to really turning something you like into a passion is the ability to share it with others, and more specifically, help others with it. If you're a car guy, don't just read about cars. Help people work on their cars or teach them about cars. Then your enjoyment of all things automobile will turn into a passion that blesses your life along with the lives of others.
To emphasize the importance of passion in a productive life, here are some of my favorite quotes on the topic. Know of any more quotes you like? Please share them in the comments!
Passion rebuilds the world for the youth. It makes all things alive and significant.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.
--Nelson Mandela
Without passion you don't have energy, without energy you have nothing.
--Donald Trump
Nothing is so intolerable to man as being fully at rest, without a passion, without business, without entertainment, without care.
--Blaise Pascal
Cows are my passion. What I have ever sighed for has been to retreat to a Swiss farm, and live entirely surrounded by cows - and china.
--Charles Dickens
Friday, August 26, 2011
A Smile's Worth a Thousand Words
- Pen and Paper (or the computer equivalent)
- A face (preferably with a mouth)
- Other People (friends, family, or acquaintances)
- Write down 3 or more people you want to smile at
- Make a conscious effort to show them those pearly whites throughout the day.
- Record your thoughts on smiling.
- How it made a difference for you.
- How you think it may have made a difference for the recipients of your happy smiling face.
- Was it hard?
- Did your smiles feel sincere?
- Did people smile back?
A smile makes me feel pretty darn good. When someone looks genuinely happy to see me, I like them. I guess I’m pretty easy to win over in that way. All you have to do is pretend to like me and I’ll like you back. But I don’t think I’m the only one. We like to be liked and like those who like us. Just try to ignore how selfish and egotistic that sounds.
Receiving a smile isn’t the only thing that makes me feel good. The act of smiling alone is enough to brighten my day. It’s especially powerful when I’m smiling at someone else. That’s because when I smile, they get the impression that I like them, so they smile, and I get the impression that they like me, and we all feel great! (Of course, when I say “like” I mean accept, tolerate, have a good feeling about, appreciate, or love depending on the situation. I say this just to clarify that a smile to or from my wife means something different than a smile exchanged with the checkout clerk at Wal-Mart.)
I even smile on the phone. It keeps me in the right mood during a coaching session. I pace around my little office smiling, and talking with my hands as if my client were standing in front of me. It keeps me engaged and helps me listen better.
What are your thoughts on smiling? I'd love to read them in the comments!
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Psych!
Mark-Paul Gosselaar will be his Secretary of State, and Mario Lopez will be his Secretary of Defense.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Enough Already!
"When is enough...enough? Will there ever be a point where I'm satisfied with the money I make, or things I own, or things I do? If I decide I'm happy with where I am, does that mean I stop progressing? If I'm never satisfied, I'll probably achieve more, but at what cost?"
I'm going to start with a definition.
Complacent: Showing smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one's achievements.
You absolutely, positively, 100% SHOULD be satisfied with who you are and what you have, but under no circumstances should you ever be COMPLACENT. Being complacent means overlooking serious defects or problems that need correcting. It's a false sense of satisfaction that hinders future progress and growth.
It may feel like these are the only options...
1. Be happy with who you are and never accomplish anything great.
2. Not be happy with who you are and simultaneously increase in achievement and misery.
...but luckily that's not the case!
You can be happy with where you are while looking forward to where you will be. That's the beauty of progress. As long as you're moving in the right direction, you can be satisfied.
So when is enough...enough? When your priorities change. For example, when you have enough money to stop living paycheck to paycheck and decide that spending time with your family is more important than getting a second job, you have enough money.
Be proud of what you've achieved while at the same time looking forward to everything you will achieve. It will probably take a real paradigm shift to begin thinking this way, so give it time. Concentrate on gratitude for what you have while you work towards more.
Complacent: Showing smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one's achievements.
You absolutely, positively, 100% SHOULD be satisfied with who you are and what you have, but under no circumstances should you ever be COMPLACENT. Being complacent means overlooking serious defects or problems that need correcting. It's a false sense of satisfaction that hinders future progress and growth.
It may feel like these are the only options...
1. Be happy with who you are and never accomplish anything great.
2. Not be happy with who you are and simultaneously increase in achievement and misery.
...but luckily that's not the case!
You can be happy with where you are while looking forward to where you will be. That's the beauty of progress. As long as you're moving in the right direction, you can be satisfied.
So when is enough...enough? When your priorities change. For example, when you have enough money to stop living paycheck to paycheck and decide that spending time with your family is more important than getting a second job, you have enough money.
Be proud of what you've achieved while at the same time looking forward to everything you will achieve. It will probably take a real paradigm shift to begin thinking this way, so give it time. Concentrate on gratitude for what you have while you work towards more.
Monday, August 22, 2011
Can a Reputation Be Changed?
What would your obituary say about you? Wouldn't it be great to get a glimpse of the future and know how you will be remembered? In 1888, one man had that chance.
In 1888, this man's brother was visiting France and passed away while there. A french newspaper mistakenly thought the man had died instead of his brother. The obituary was in no way flattering. It referred to him as the "merchant of death" and claimed that he "became rich by finding ways to kill more people faster than ever before". Was this to be his legacy? Could it be changed, or was it too late?
This man went on to leave his entire fortune to the advancement of peace, creativity, and science. His name was Alfred Nobel and his legacy became the Nobel Prize. (He also happened to be the inventor of dynamite) So the "merchant of death" is now more commonly associated with peace and scientific advancement. The fact that he invented dynamite has been diminished to trivia one might come across on Jeopardy.
He changed his reputation and chose what legacy he would leave. We can do the same. Ask yourself how you want to be remembered, and live your life accordingly.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Free Credit Report
We're Moving! Starting tomorrow the VLC blog will be located at blog.vaughnlifecoaching.com (there's nothing there right now, but there will be) please update your bookmarks and links for a smooth transition.
In just ten minutes you can get a copy of your credit report to check for accuracy, but I'll let you in on a little secret. If you want a free credit report DO NOT go to FreeCreditReport.com. Their commercial jingles may be catchy, but they pay for those commercials by making suckers out of you and me. They sneakily sign you up for a credit monitoring service (whatever that is) and automatically charge you every month.
This is What You Do
Go to www.annualcreditreport.com. You can request your credit report for free once every 12 months from each of the credit reporting agencies (Experian, Equifax, Transunion). So you could order all three, wait a year and then order them again, or you could order one every 4 months, or whatever other combination you want.
They won't ask for a credit card. That's because they won't charge you anything! Ever!...unless you want your credit score to go along with the report.They'll charge you 8 bucks for that, but if you want a FREE credit score read the next paragraph.
Free Credit Score
Go to www.creditkarma.com. This site is completely free (makes money off advertising) and allows you to update your credit score as often as you'd like. They also provide tips on how to improve your credit.
Don't worry about dinging your credit because all these credit checks are "soft" inquiries vs. "hard" inquiries. Hard inquiries are made by banks and other institutions before they give you a new line of credit and too many of them can lower your credit score. Soft inquiries won't show up on your credit report.
Even if you're a hardcore Dave Ramsey fan who only pays in cash, you should still check your credit report to make sure there isn't any fraudulent activity that could give you a real headache down the road.
In just ten minutes you can get a copy of your credit report to check for accuracy, but I'll let you in on a little secret. If you want a free credit report DO NOT go to FreeCreditReport.com. Their commercial jingles may be catchy, but they pay for those commercials by making suckers out of you and me. They sneakily sign you up for a credit monitoring service (whatever that is) and automatically charge you every month.
This is What You Do
Go to www.annualcreditreport.com. You can request your credit report for free once every 12 months from each of the credit reporting agencies (Experian, Equifax, Transunion). So you could order all three, wait a year and then order them again, or you could order one every 4 months, or whatever other combination you want.
They won't ask for a credit card. That's because they won't charge you anything! Ever!...unless you want your credit score to go along with the report.They'll charge you 8 bucks for that, but if you want a FREE credit score read the next paragraph.
Free Credit Score
Go to www.creditkarma.com. This site is completely free (makes money off advertising) and allows you to update your credit score as often as you'd like. They also provide tips on how to improve your credit.
Don't worry about dinging your credit because all these credit checks are "soft" inquiries vs. "hard" inquiries. Hard inquiries are made by banks and other institutions before they give you a new line of credit and too many of them can lower your credit score. Soft inquiries won't show up on your credit report.
Even if you're a hardcore Dave Ramsey fan who only pays in cash, you should still check your credit report to make sure there isn't any fraudulent activity that could give you a real headache down the road.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
One Simple Goal
So what's with the sticky notes? I just draw on sticky notes sometimes and then post them on this blog. There's not much more to it than that. I hope that some of them are funny...occasionally...late at night...when everything's funny.
I accomplish this goal by running away screaming whenever I see one. It has worked so far. Knock on wood.
I accomplish this goal by running away screaming whenever I see one. It has worked so far. Knock on wood.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Review of Mint.com
Wild Card Wednesday is finally here! Today is the day I post reviews, videos, poetry, rants, interviews, projects, or whatever else strikes my fancy. Today I chose to do a review of an online service I think is fantastic.
What is it?
Mint is online financial software that collects information from all your bank accounts, loans, credit cards, investments, etc... and puts it all in one place so you can easily see a detailed snapshot of your finances. You can also use the budgeting software to pay off debt and set savings goals.
Cost
It's absolutely free! None of those sneaky trial periods or watered down service. Everything is free. It's paid for through unobtrusive advertising that stays in the background and never interferes.
Security
It's just as secure as online banking, and even more so since it's a "read only" version of your finances. Full account numbers aren't listed and money can't be moved around. You have to sign in with the actual financial institution to do any type of transaction.
Why I Love It
It's online, free, and pretty. Oh yeah, there's also the whole "it's incredibly useful!" thing too.
I love to see charts showing what I spend the most money on.
I get email alerts if I go over an area in my budget.
I can set goals and track my progress with savings.
The ads are actually useful if I'm shopping around for a new bank account.
It's simple to use.
Some Cons
In the beginning I had some trouble getting Mint to communicate with my bank. A quick visit to the "Help" section cleared it up though.
It's not good at predicting what type of expense my debit card purchase was. I often have to go back and change "pharmacy" to "groceries". I like to go over my purchases anyway, so it doesn't bother me that much.
I just love www.mint.com and I think you should check it out if you haven't already. I'm not even getting paid to do this endorsement! But, people at mint, if you decide you want to pay me for it, I'd be more than happy to remove the previous sentence.
What is it?
Mint is online financial software that collects information from all your bank accounts, loans, credit cards, investments, etc... and puts it all in one place so you can easily see a detailed snapshot of your finances. You can also use the budgeting software to pay off debt and set savings goals.
Cost
It's absolutely free! None of those sneaky trial periods or watered down service. Everything is free. It's paid for through unobtrusive advertising that stays in the background and never interferes.
Security
It's just as secure as online banking, and even more so since it's a "read only" version of your finances. Full account numbers aren't listed and money can't be moved around. You have to sign in with the actual financial institution to do any type of transaction.
Why I Love It
It's online, free, and pretty. Oh yeah, there's also the whole "it's incredibly useful!" thing too.
I love to see charts showing what I spend the most money on.
I get email alerts if I go over an area in my budget.
I can set goals and track my progress with savings.
The ads are actually useful if I'm shopping around for a new bank account.
It's simple to use.
Some Cons
In the beginning I had some trouble getting Mint to communicate with my bank. A quick visit to the "Help" section cleared it up though.
It's not good at predicting what type of expense my debit card purchase was. I often have to go back and change "pharmacy" to "groceries". I like to go over my purchases anyway, so it doesn't bother me that much.
I just love www.mint.com and I think you should check it out if you haven't already. I'm not even getting paid to do this endorsement! But, people at mint, if you decide you want to pay me for it, I'd be more than happy to remove the previous sentence.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Priorities
It's Q&A Tuesday! Every Tuesday I'll answer a different question about anything related to life skills, personal development, goal setting, etc... If you have a question, you can submit it by clicking on the "Submit a Question" button above and filling out the form. Simple. Let's move on to this week's question.
"I'm not unhappy necessarily, but I'm ready for something different. The problem is that there are so many things I want to change. Where should I get started?"
The first thing you need to do is prioritize. You could go about it a few different ways, but however you do it, the first step is to list everything you want to change. Just grab a piece of paper and list everything you want to do or be. If you'd like, you can revisit the list a couple of times to make sure you haven't forgotten anything important.
Once your list is complete, go through it and circle anything that is important and would have major consequences if not taken care of soon. These items will go in your "emergency" list. So, if you're a jerk to your wife and she's shopping around for a good divorce attorney, changing that behavior would definitely be considered an emergency. Biting your nails less, on the other hand, probably wouldn't be an emergency.
Next, put a star next to everything on the list that you're most excited about and underline anything that will be relatively quick and easy to accomplish. The starred items will make up your "motivation" list and underlined items will go on your "quick win" list.
Everything else goes on the back burner. Your list will start out looking like this...
and end up looking like this...
Now here's what to do with each list...
The Emergency List
This is where you start. These items need attention now, so get on it and power through them so you can get on to other things. Talk to friends, family, a life coach, a therapist etc... to start setting and reaching some goals. You don't have to reach perfection before moving on, but you at least need to remove the emergency out of the equation.
The Motivation List
These are the things you really want to change. You want to be the kind of person who spends more time outdoors, has more friends, serves more in the community, and has people over for dinner parties. These will probably be positive action goals. Think forming GOOD habits rather than just stopping BAD ones.
The Quick Win List
You may get hung up in the process and feel like you've bitten off more that you can chew. At any point you can pause your other goals to work on an item from your quick win list. These are small and simple things like eating an apple a day, saying good morning to everyone at work, or trying a new hairstyle. You can check them off the list quickly and easily to get your momentum back.
The Back Burner
Don't forget about these goals, but for now they can just simmer for a little while. After you've gone through the more important and exciting changes you can come back and set some new priorities.
If this is all just way too complicated for your style, I'll give you a simpler answer. Think of the change that is the most important for you to take care of and do that one first. Then think of the next most important thing and do that one. Repeat until you've done everything you could ever want to do. :) Good luck!
"I'm not unhappy necessarily, but I'm ready for something different. The problem is that there are so many things I want to change. Where should I get started?"
The first thing you need to do is prioritize. You could go about it a few different ways, but however you do it, the first step is to list everything you want to change. Just grab a piece of paper and list everything you want to do or be. If you'd like, you can revisit the list a couple of times to make sure you haven't forgotten anything important.
Once your list is complete, go through it and circle anything that is important and would have major consequences if not taken care of soon. These items will go in your "emergency" list. So, if you're a jerk to your wife and she's shopping around for a good divorce attorney, changing that behavior would definitely be considered an emergency. Biting your nails less, on the other hand, probably wouldn't be an emergency.
Next, put a star next to everything on the list that you're most excited about and underline anything that will be relatively quick and easy to accomplish. The starred items will make up your "motivation" list and underlined items will go on your "quick win" list.
Everything else goes on the back burner. Your list will start out looking like this...
and end up looking like this...
Now here's what to do with each list...
The Emergency List
This is where you start. These items need attention now, so get on it and power through them so you can get on to other things. Talk to friends, family, a life coach, a therapist etc... to start setting and reaching some goals. You don't have to reach perfection before moving on, but you at least need to remove the emergency out of the equation.
The Motivation List
These are the things you really want to change. You want to be the kind of person who spends more time outdoors, has more friends, serves more in the community, and has people over for dinner parties. These will probably be positive action goals. Think forming GOOD habits rather than just stopping BAD ones.
The Quick Win List
You may get hung up in the process and feel like you've bitten off more that you can chew. At any point you can pause your other goals to work on an item from your quick win list. These are small and simple things like eating an apple a day, saying good morning to everyone at work, or trying a new hairstyle. You can check them off the list quickly and easily to get your momentum back.
The Back Burner
Don't forget about these goals, but for now they can just simmer for a little while. After you've gone through the more important and exciting changes you can come back and set some new priorities.
If this is all just way too complicated for your style, I'll give you a simpler answer. Think of the change that is the most important for you to take care of and do that one first. Then think of the next most important thing and do that one. Repeat until you've done everything you could ever want to do. :) Good luck!
Monday, August 15, 2011
Why?
This little question is my go to resource for finding motivation, so it's appropriate that "Why?" is the topic of the VLC blog's... very first...(drum roll please)... Motivation Monday! For many of us, today is the start of the work week and some extra motivation wouldn't hurt. Our goal is to get you excited about the coming week. It's a blank canvas, and you can fill it with whatever you like!
This is also the beginning of a new lineup we'll be trying out. Here's a preview:
I'll go into more detail throughout the week, so stay tuned!
Okay, back to the matter at hand. Why is "why?" such a great motivational tool? Well, allow me to put forth a hypothetical situation. Let's say you have a goal to go to the gym and work out for one hour five days a week. Let's also say that you plan on going before work, but you wake up at 5 am and suddenly working out doesn't seem like such a good idea. You see, the thing that gets you out of bed and drags your not-so-better half to the gym isn't your burning desire to exercise, it's the answer to this question.
"WHY do you want to go to the gym for an hour five days a week?"
Everyone will have their own answer. It could be to feel more comfortable and confident during swimsuit season, to not be out of breath after climbing the stairs to the conference room, to feel healthier, to live longer, to meet babes, etc...
When setting goals, always remember the reason behind them, because that's where you'll find your motivation. While you're driving to the gym, envision yourself reaching your goal and getting what you want, and put that hour of sweat and pain into perspective.
This is also the beginning of a new lineup we'll be trying out. Here's a preview:
I'll go into more detail throughout the week, so stay tuned!
Okay, back to the matter at hand. Why is "why?" such a great motivational tool? Well, allow me to put forth a hypothetical situation. Let's say you have a goal to go to the gym and work out for one hour five days a week. Let's also say that you plan on going before work, but you wake up at 5 am and suddenly working out doesn't seem like such a good idea. You see, the thing that gets you out of bed and drags your not-so-better half to the gym isn't your burning desire to exercise, it's the answer to this question.
"WHY do you want to go to the gym for an hour five days a week?"
Everyone will have their own answer. It could be to feel more comfortable and confident during swimsuit season, to not be out of breath after climbing the stairs to the conference room, to feel healthier, to live longer, to meet babes, etc...
When setting goals, always remember the reason behind them, because that's where you'll find your motivation. While you're driving to the gym, envision yourself reaching your goal and getting what you want, and put that hour of sweat and pain into perspective.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Optimism: I Wouldn't Call Myself a Pessimist, but...
I would love to call myself an optimist...and not be lying through my teeth. In general I'd say I'm hopeful about the future and expect everything to turn out okay. Long term, I've got it down. Short term; however, is a different story all together. I frequently assume the worst will happen on a day to day basis. You could say I'm just optimistic that Murphy knew what he was talking about when he made that law.
Here's What I Know
Thinking positively will not only make you feel better about your circumstances and help you experience less stress, but it can also create a self-fulfilling prophecy of an abundant life filled with every good thing you fully expected to have. This is awesome. We should all want it.
The Problem
My pattern of thinking or life script or mental programming, or whatever you want to call it, has been so reinforced over the course of my life that changing my assumptions of what the world is and how it operates seems like an impossible task.
Solutions
How do I change the way I look at the world? Can I train my eye to spot silver linings? I'm still looking in to it, but here are some ideas to think about trying.
1. Avoid the news. It's skewed toward sensational stories of murder, adultery, catastrophe, and celebrity. If you can't give up your afternoon news fix, try a site like www.happynews.com that specializes in positive and uplifting stories.
2. Try "thought catching". I may use the term more loosely than cognitive therapists, so what I'm talking about is being aware of your thinking and "catching" any negative thoughts that may surface from time to time. Once caught, ignore that thought and instead think of something you feel good about. It doesn't matter what. If you think your presentation is going to go horribly and everyone is going to laugh at you, stop thinking about the presentation and think about how well you grill a steak instead. Think of that perfectly marinaded steak you made for the 4th of July. Think about how your family and friends went on and on about how juicy and tender it was. Once you're feeling more positive, you can go back to thinking about the presentation -- hopefully with a better attitude.
3. Fake it. I've tried this one. Although it hasn't yielded any life altering results, it is a good temporary fix. Just like it's hard to smile and not be happy, it's also hard to pretend to be an optimist without really being one. As you pretend to find the silver lining, you'll find that you're actually doing it.
As I try out life as an optimist I hope to give occasional updates and new ideas for others wanting to make this fundamental change in their lives.
Thinking positively will not only make you feel better about your circumstances and help you experience less stress, but it can also create a self-fulfilling prophecy of an abundant life filled with every good thing you fully expected to have. This is awesome. We should all want it.
The Problem
My pattern of thinking or life script or mental programming, or whatever you want to call it, has been so reinforced over the course of my life that changing my assumptions of what the world is and how it operates seems like an impossible task.
Solutions
How do I change the way I look at the world? Can I train my eye to spot silver linings? I'm still looking in to it, but here are some ideas to think about trying.
1. Avoid the news. It's skewed toward sensational stories of murder, adultery, catastrophe, and celebrity. If you can't give up your afternoon news fix, try a site like www.happynews.com that specializes in positive and uplifting stories.
2. Try "thought catching". I may use the term more loosely than cognitive therapists, so what I'm talking about is being aware of your thinking and "catching" any negative thoughts that may surface from time to time. Once caught, ignore that thought and instead think of something you feel good about. It doesn't matter what. If you think your presentation is going to go horribly and everyone is going to laugh at you, stop thinking about the presentation and think about how well you grill a steak instead. Think of that perfectly marinaded steak you made for the 4th of July. Think about how your family and friends went on and on about how juicy and tender it was. Once you're feeling more positive, you can go back to thinking about the presentation -- hopefully with a better attitude.
3. Fake it. I've tried this one. Although it hasn't yielded any life altering results, it is a good temporary fix. Just like it's hard to smile and not be happy, it's also hard to pretend to be an optimist without really being one. As you pretend to find the silver lining, you'll find that you're actually doing it.
As I try out life as an optimist I hope to give occasional updates and new ideas for others wanting to make this fundamental change in their lives.
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